October 24, 1992

Twenty years ago this morning I awoke to my brother and my dad leaving for the day.  I had the premonition that I needed to go up and give them a hug, but it was a Saturday morning and I wanted to stay in bed.  If only I had known in that moment that it would be the last time that I would hear my brother's voice on this side of heaven.  How little did I know that later that day our lives would be forever changed.

I vividly remember so many details of that day.  Hearing my brother and dad leave that morning. Shopping at Burlington Coat Factory with my mom and sister and finding the PERFECT winter coat for my very particular brother. Mom dropping us girls off at Grandpa & Grandma Fynaardt's where harvest was in full swing.   Grandpa's distressed call over the CB radio and Grandma and Uncle Gary driving off to the field only to turn around so that Grandma could come back and call 911.  Melinda and I looking at each other going "Is this really happening?" The ambulance flying down the driveway with my mom in the van hot on its heels.  Not know if it was my brother or my cousin who was hurt.  Praying with my Grandma, my sister and my cousins on our knees in the middle of the living room.  Seeing my cousin come to the house and realizing it was my brother who was hurt.  The helicopter coming and landing in the field.  Staying at a neighbor's house to sit and wait while all the adults drove to Des Moines.  Watching my Uncle Gary try to eat and seeing the tears dripping from his nose. The awful phone call.  Being held by my parents and more family and friends than I can count late into that night.  A house full of people who cared more than I ever imagined.

What I would find out later is that my brother, Brian, was driving a cabless tractor when it tipped and he was pinned from the waist down.  He was probably in the glory of heaven before most of even knew the accident had happened.


Twenty years ago my life was changed in a single instant. I often wonder how my life would be different had my brother lived.  I wonder what kind of uncle he would be and what he would think of my children. I do find it comforting to think that he is playing with his niece/nephew that we lost when we had a miscarriage.  Life was to short for him and I often think that he missed some of the best parts - falling in love, getting married, having children, etc.

They say that "Time heals all wounds" and while I believe that is true, time doesn't take away the scar and the changes that happen.  I gave my mom a hug today and without a spoken word both of us had tears in our eyes.  We daily cling to the promise that the best is yet to come and that we will see our loved ones again.  We claim this promise not only for ourselves, but for all those who have lost someone that they love.

"For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.  After that, we are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever." I Thessalonians 4:13