Hard Lessons

There are things in my life that I look back on and wish that I would have handled differently. One of those occurred on Thursday afternoon.

I had to pick up Becca from the babysitter as she picked up her son from school. It was pouring rain at that time and I was unfamiliar with the parking lot and a smacked the van into an electrical pole in the parking lot. Not very intelligent. While I am not so proud of hitting the pole in the parking lot I am even less proud of my reaction to hitting the pole.

I pride myself in keeping myself composed and my actions and language appropriate. In my view that is one of the ways that I can be a witness to those around me.

So.... I hit the pole and I practically flip out. I really don't remember what happened, but I know that Becca was screaming at the top of her lungs and I was yelling/muttering something unintelligible to/about myself. Apparently I tried to park the car, but only got it into reverse and then shut it off. I then tried to start it again, but wasn't able to because it was in reverse. At this point I really thought that I had damaged the van. I am running between the driver's seat and Becca's door trying to decide if she is hurt, should I take her out in the rain, who do I call, what an idiot I am, etc, etc.... We go into the school, which is a Christian school by the way, and it is all that I can do to keep from saying some not so nice words at the top of my lungs.

Not that it is justified but I think that part of the reason that I was so worked up was that the location of impact on the van was very similar to the location of impact when I rear-end another car with our Mazda while I was pregnant with Micah. I think that in some ways I was reliving that event even though this one was not nearly as bad.

Fortunately my babysitter and a nice gentleman came to my rescue. Lisa took Becca and calmed her down (because I was in no shape to do that) and the nice gentlemen went back to the van and helped me to realize that the van was still able to run and that I could drive it home.

I was about halfway home when I realized that I had totally overreacted and there was really no reason for me to be thinking or verbalizing the language or the thoughts about myself that I did. What kind of example was that? Don't we study, learn & grow during the good times so that when the difficult times arrive what we have learned will just come without thought? We are working to train our children now so that when they grow up and face trials (or inconviences) like this that they will respond with grace?

Maybe that is to grand of an idea, but I know that I totally failed in regards to a dinged up bumper - I have a long ways to go.